As jolly as I look , I am not really that optimistic when it comes 
to life . In fact , I’m 100 percent pessimistic . Growing up , I have 
gone through a lot of disappointments . Broken promises , failed 
missions and most of all  unreasonable expectations of people . 
I thought about thinking negatively so if ever I will fail , I won’t be 
disappointed anymore because I’m already expecting to fail while 
doing my best .

When I plan to do something or to engage myself in taking risks , 
I always think that I will fail , I won’t be able to pull it off because 
I am a weak . Until that day would come and happiness will shower 
because I did it . See what not expecting brings you to ?

When it comes to love , I think the same . In the back of my head , 
It’s just a mixed emotion of “HE WILL LEAVE ME SOON AND IT’S ALL 
GONNA BE MY FAULT” . When my partner says that “UHM, I WANNA 
TELL YOU SOMETHING” , I automatically jump to the conclusion 
that he’s gonna say that he’s in love with another girl or he’s 
leaving me because he doesn’t love me anymore only to find out 
that he’s gonna tell me that he forgot his surprise for me back 
home . A sudden relief comes crashing down on me like I have won 
a car in a pick to win a prize .

I just know that this personality helps me shield myself from pain 
and disappointments . I don’t see pessimism as a bad personality 
but instead , it’s a good one for me . Totally works .

keys off ~ :)